Jokes – a stream of consciousness

So these just sort of fell out of my head. They are not themed, many may not be even remotely funny…

  • Turdis: A poo that once outside one’s body is bigger than the available internal space would appear to be
  • Whale oil beef hooked, that’s sofa king good!
  • Thanks for Reading, oh, and Slough I suppose, whilst we’re at it
  • I really wanted to be a juggler, but I never had the balls
  • I had high hopes of being a crystalhealer, but I didn’t have the stones for it
  • When I was young I wanted to do something alternative – but I ended up doing something completely different
  • I planned to work at the shop down my road on the left. Why didn’t it work out? It always seemed right up my street
  • I had to close my circus business as just when the audience was ready for my best magician he kept on doing a disappearing act
  • When my other half found out about my secret job as a voyeur she said I had to give it up as I just couldn’t get my lurk/wife balance right
  • My old job as a glue tester was shortlived – I just couldn’t stick it anymore
  • I had job balancing a broken weeble, It was easy at first but after only a week I couldn’t stand it anymore
  • My old employer used to experiment with squirrel food and miniaturisation to speed up public transporation, It’s a long story but in a nutshell, we all left pretty quickly
  • I’ve still got my looks, in fact I got a really dirty one just today when reading the slogan on a girl’s t-shirt
  • A meal is just a poo you haven’t had yet
  • My sister was once engaged to a guy with Brittle Knob Syndrome, but just before the wedding she broke it off
  • FOR SAIL: Boat
  • WAN TED: Depressed Bear
  • MISSING: Car with very little fuel – it must be pretty close
  • I once went out with an Indian girl, so sioux me!
  • I used to wear a burka around the house until my mum told me it was a bad habit
  • Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day; teach him to fish and he will deplete the oceans’ fish stocks by overfishing
  • I have been staring at Uranus through a telescope all evening
  • Looking at the list of symtptoms of daterape drugs, I suspect that I have been targeted every Friday and Saturday for the last twenty years
  • Occasionally say never say never again
  • Girls with the most uptop need the most support
  • Shit, shine & shave coming up. Though why I polish my turds *before* shaving them is beyond me

Right, that’s me done.

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