Tag Archives: alcohol

Party every day, party every dayayay

It’s clear from the regular supply of news articles and documentaries that what this country needs is more reasons to drink excessively. One way to bring about change is to normalise that which you are trying to encourage. You can do this by attributing a catchy or amusing name to something that typically already has a perfectly functional name. In of itself this seems harmless enough and it gives us something to smile about. One example of this would be ‘Thirsty Thursday’ – an amusing piece of alliteration that is popularly used by bars to get folks to come out boozing a day earlier than they might otherwise. It sounds fun, is somewhat logical (it’s nearly Friday so your thirst is building etc.), and it means we get a longer weekend – win-win.
drunk-5[1]
Another example I’ve heard recently and seen in action is ‘Sunday Funday’. Sunday Funday works well with Thirsty Thursday as you now have a four night weekend – oh, and you actually drink all day on a Sunday Funday. You can see the opposite of this too, when people refer to the weekday evenings as ‘School nights’. In that case it helps to normalise/encourage ‘not drinking’. Attaching this prosaic title to something as tempting as a Wednesday night can work to bolster someone’s will power as it defers responsibility for decision making – I don’t have to say ‘no’ I just say it’s a school night and immediately my peers will reduce the pressure on me – because it’s a SCHOOL NIGHT – and that means something. Sooo, what I wondered is do we now have drink-friendly names for every day of the week? I’m aware of Thirsty Thursday and Sunday Funday, I can imagine Twatted Tuesday could work or even Titsoff Tuesday. Wankered Wednesday goes without saying. But…. what do we do about Monday?!

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Health kick (in the balls)

After mucking about with the old 5:2 nonsense and really not enjoying tapping  what I’ve eaten each day into MyFitnessPal, I’ve had a bit of a rethink. As you will remember I’m doing the Dryathlon this month so I’m already off the booze. I kinda feel a little ‘better’, but it’s marginal to be honest. A friend of mine at work has suggested the Harcombe Diet as something that might interest me, not as a ‘lose weight’ kind of thing, but rather as a change of eating habits to stick with and benefit from forever. I’m 15st 11lb (221 lbs) at the moment, so as a 6’ male, I’m obese with my BMI of 30. I can’t pretend to be an athlete, so any notion of muscle weighing more than fat being the issue etc. probably won’t cut it here. God knows if I’ll ever be 180 lbs again, but it’s worth a shot I guess.

I’ve been reading ‘Amazon’s best-selling diet book’ which informs me that as I’m vegetarian things will be a little harder on this kind of diet as meat has zero carbohydrate content, which makes it somewhat unique. Still, Zoe Harcombe makes it clear that I can still do it if I’m careful and if she believes in me then I do too! The diet is mostly about removing processed foods and watching what foods you eat in one sitting. Beyond that, once you know what to eat you can pretty much go for it, or so Zoe says.

The diet is split into phases, a sort of kick-start low-carb week to begin with and then off into phase 2 which is more carb-heavy before pulling it all in together in phase 3. In time-honoured tradition I am going to start my diet tomorrow. This isn’t as bad as it sounds as I have to read a bit more of the book to plan what I’m going to eat, and note down what I’m not allowed to eat.

This approach feels more likely to work, and often that’s as much as you need to be successful at something – belief in what you’re doing. I agree with Zoe that calorie counting doesn’t work and is not sustainable, it’s actually pretty dumb. The Atkins diet sounds horrible (tubs of cottage cheese for lunch etc.) and exercise is not going to work for most nine to fivers as there just isn’t enough time or energy left in your average 38 year old’s day to do enough of it to make a real difference.

9781907797248[1]I’m not reading this book, but I prefer the cover!

Some other things I plan to begin as personal guidelines include not drinking alcohol on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday and getting up at more or less the same time each day. I am planning on a 6:45am alarm weekdays and 8am on the weekend. I’m fairly close to that now so regularising it further shouldn’t be too tough and I think that helps me be prepared for the day. I’ve been thinking about bedtime too, I think 11:30pm should be about the latest I’m actually trying to get to sleep for at least four nights of the week. I reckon that’s ‘doable’.

I’m going to record my weight in this Google Spreadsheet so you can all have a bit of a chuckle.

Wish me luck, my friends…

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Dryathlon

So I’ve decided to do the ‘Dryathlon’. It’s a month off the booze with a side order of fundraising for cancer. I’m still uncertain of how I feel about Cancer Research UK – or at least the animal testing aspect. As a vegetarian and keen ‘don’t hurt animals if you can help’ it kind of person this has always bothered me. You can see a response from the Cancer UK gang here:

http://scienceblog.cancerresearchuk.org/2011/06/21/animal-research-is-helping-us-beat-cancer/

As they say, it’s a legal requirement to test drugs on animals in the UK so I guess they don’t really get a choice about doing at least some animal testing. However, that doesn’t mean everything they do is as necessary or as cruelty-free as it might be. Certainly Animal Aid doesn’t think it is:

http://animalaid.org.uk/h/n/NEWS/news_experiments/ALL/2595//

It’s tricky, we all know at least one person recovering from / suffering with / dying from / dead after cancer and that has to be among the most emotive factors when it comes to forming an opinion on something like this. I’m just not sure how I feel so I’ll try not to think about it for now. I’m certainly not going to tell anyone it’s wrong as I don’t know enough about it.

There’s another issue too, for me at least. That’s one of drinking. I love a drink and enjoy the break from my normal thoughts / consciousness that drinking (getting drunk) affords me. It’s not without a cost though; it hurts your body, your pocket, your relationships, influences your children’s behaviour, affects your choices and so on. With that in mind I’ve been loosely entering data into the NHS Alcohol Tracker for the last month or so:

http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/NHSAlcoholtracker.aspx

Certainly the NHS is not that confident of my chances of avoiding various horrible conditions at this rate, so I probably ought to take it easy…

Post-Christmas results

So I figured I’d combine two personally tricky things and raise money for cancer research whilst not drinking. Who knows, a month off may give me the clarity of mind I need to decide whether what I’m doing is right for me. I’m 15st 11lb today so I’m hoping to shift a bit of that extra cargo too. I’d really like to be under 14st again. I think I’ll need more than a month for that little goal. Please take a look and consider donating here: http://www.justgiving.com/pickled-bristols

Radio 4 ran a nice item yesterday on the effects of abstinence for a month or so and the results were impressive. Reduction of ~15% of fat on the liver etc. and that’s the shizzle that’ll get ya.

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Recipe for an evening alone

If, like me, you find you’ve fallen from the precipice of a ‘relationship’ into the ‘pit of singledom’ (you may have gaily tossed yourself off for all I know) – whether it be attributable to apathy, lethargy, lucidity, stupidity, misunderstanding, mistreatment, misconception, lack of perception, lack of attention, lack of prevention, being short on dimensions, a pissed deception, great(er) expectations, loss of sensation, disaffiliation, the need to dream, the need not to dream, body getting older, head getting balder, mind getting bolder, a difference of opinion on Noddy Holder, her need for a man to hold on, yours for Amanda Holden, WHATEVER – you may sometimes find yourself at a loose end during the evening.

Well, here’s what I suggest:

  • Give up alcohol for a day or two prior to this loose-ended evening
  • Try to spend most of your day at work talking with a friend or friends that you give a shit about (or secretly fancy)
  • Organise a three mile run with a friend of comparable fitness around 6:00pm
  • Return home, drink around two pints of weak Ribena
  • Eat two small yet perfectly deformed jacket potatoes with cheese, beans and a little leftover coleslaw
  • Run a very hot bath
  • Arrange and light two large red candles (not those shit-ass tea lights like Ikea sells) at the tap end
  • Rig up some makeshift speakers such that you can hear your ipod or ‘other tv listings magazines are available’ mp3 player
  • Set a-playing Mozart’s Clarinet Concerto (it has to be this music – forget what you think you know about what you like to listen to)
  • Flip the bloody light off (don’t run any extractor fans or fan heaters)
  • Get in the bath, realise you’ve overfilled it again, sort that out and then wash your hair

You’ve done all the prep at this stage, so now commence with the relaxing already! As you relax, some other things will begin to occur, and though you must let them, the act of letting is about as much effort as you should be putting in at this stage:

  • Gaze into the flames of whichever candle is burning the tallest and brightest
  • Wait… gaze some more
  • Feel a few small drops of water run down your forehead from your recently washed hair
  • Become aware of the feeling of those drops meeting the beads of sweat that have formed on your forehead since your submersion in very hot water
  • Feel these allies run further down your forehead and temples…
  • As they move downwards, imagine them picking up small pieces of dust and dirt that sit on every inch of your skin
  • Allow them to combine with the small tears that should by now be sitting at the outer edge of each of your eyes
  • Remember, these are the same eyes, the only eyes, that have seen everything that you have from your point of view
  • Remember also that they have never seen anything from anyone else’s
  • Taste the cocktail droplets as they run over your lips – savour that blend of purity, effort, filth and pain
  • Close your eyes for some time
  • When the music ends – leap up and turn the thing off before some other crap on your player starts up
  • Get out, dry yourself, get some pyjamas on – no one wants to see that flopping about through open-curtained windows

The final stage is quite simple – but it’s as essential as the first two:

  • Telephone someone you respect, maybe even love or at least might have loved if things had been different – failing that, someone you don’t hate
  • Briefly tell them how you’ve been doing in your piffling excuse for a life (they’re bound to ask)
  • Listen to them talk about their (only marginally less piffling) life – but really listen – forget yourself for one bloody minute of one bloody day
  • Arrange to see them some time way off in the future – but stick to the arrangement
  • Blog some sanctimonious bullshit and get yourself to bed, you asshole!

Ciao, my friends.

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Date TheRapist

Looking down this NHS list of symtptoms of date rape drugging, I am beginning to suspect that I have been targeted every Friday and Saturday for the last twenty years:

  • drowsiness / light headedness
  • difficulty concentrating
  • feeling confused / disorientated
  • …difficulty speaking, slurring your words
  • loss of balance
  • lowered inhibitions
  • cannot remember large sections of your evening
  • nausea and vomiting
  • unconsciousness

 

What are the chances?..

Rohypnol (Flunitrazepam)

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Give up alcohol for January and get bladdered in February

The health-conscious among you will want to join this facebook group:

Give up alcohol for January and get bladdered in February

Drunk girl

The good news is that this is all based on scientific research not some hypo-allergenic hydrogenated antioxidant mumbo jumbo:

Alcoholics Anonymous Reviews: Booze: Why you need a day off

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